Wouldn’t it be Funny If…

There’s always the guy (and it’s rarely a female, by the way) who has some inner drive for heroism and justice. He’s the one who, whenever he sees anything that looks like a conflict or dangerous situation, absolutely must go “check it out”.

For example: you and Mr. Hero are walking down the street and, in the distance, you notice what appears to be a verbal altercation between a man and a woman. Nobody’s being physically assaulted, but it looks pretty heated from where you’re standing. This is generally when Mr. Hero’s inner Spiderman seems to spring to life:

MH: Dude, wtf is going on over there…
You: Looks like they’re having an argument.
MH: I’m going to go over there and make sure everything’s cool.
You: Uh, k.

You understand the kind of person to which I’m referring.

Now, imagine this to an almost ridiculous degree (and I use the word “almost” because I’m certain there are a handful of dudes walking around who actually pull crap like this). You and Mr. Hero are driving around in your Corolla, listening to some tunes and heading over to the local coffee establishment. From behind, you hear sirens and notice a fire engine barreling down the road in your direction, ostensibly to go put out a fire.

MH: Dude, follow them.
You: What? Why?
MH: They might need us. Just do it.
You: Are you frickin’ kidding me? They’re firefighters. We’re not.
MH: Still, you never know when they’ll need an extra set of brave hands, right?
You: Whatever, dumbass.

To me, it would be even funnier if it were the police instead of the firemen (and sadly, probably more plausible). A few (say, 4) of the local policemen are having an “incident” with a couple of guys on the side of the road - perhaps a traffic stop gone sour, whatever. Mr. Hero is the guy who would saunter over into the general area of the goings-on and just stand at a distance, ready to spring into action if the situation should call for it. So, if the two undesirables happen to subdue the 4 police officers, he can walk in like Charles frickin’ Bronson and regulate on their asses, quick-style.

MH: Check out this pair of losers.
You: You mean the guys the cops are talking to?
MH: Yeah - they look like trouble, if you ask me. Maybe we should go back up the cops.
You: Ok, first the crap with the fire truck and now this? Get the hell out of my Corolla.
MH: Dude, I’m just…
You: Out.

This entry was posted on Friday, February 22nd, 2008 at 3:22 pm