You Just Had to See the Cover of Cosmo
February 7th, 2008Anybody who’s shopped at a liquor store has gathered that, generally, the adult-oriented publications are kept behind the counter. Also, the covers of some of the racier magazines will be obscured by a black plastic placard. This is understandable.
Lately, I’ve been seeing this same placards appear in the magazine rack at the grocery store, typically covering up magazines like Vogue, Cosmopolitan and others like them (generally targeted at your standard female.). While I understand that phrases like “in Bed” and “Sexual” appear on the cover, it’s hardly the same thing as what’s on the cover of Penthouse.
So, if the grocery stores really want to get serious, they should invent a small device that attaches to these placards that, when disturbed beyond a fraction of an inch, will loudly announce whatever is on the cover of the magazine.
I can picture it now - a guy in his early 30’s is picking up a quart of milk and some eggs. He collects his goods and proceeds to the checkout line to make his purchase, where he is met with a line of several other shoppers. So, in a fit of boredom, his eyes wander lazily over to the magazines. He sees this month’s issue of Cosmo, but can only see the name of the magazine and the forehead of the woman on the cover (due to most of it being covered by a spiffy black placard). Intrigued, he reaches over and lifts up on the placard. Suddenly, a voice from inside the magazine rack begins to (very loudly) recite taglines similar to:
- How to Make Him Completely Lose Control in the Sack!
- Feeling Small? Maybe a Boob Job is What You Need!
- 15 Movies that will Have You Sobbing within 15 Minutes!
Special bonus if there’s some type of falling confetti or balloons or something.